September, 2010

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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. 
But everything else starts to
wear out, fall out, or spread out.
There are three signs of old age. 
The first is your loss of memory.
I forget the other two.
You're getting old when you don't care 
where your spouse goes, 
just as long as you don't
have to go along.
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun 
and fun is a lot more work.
Statistics show that at the age of seventy, 
there are five women to every man.
Isn't that a bad time for a guy to get those odds?
You know you're getting on in years 
when the girls at the office start
confiding in you.
Middle age is when it takes longer 
to rest than to get tired.
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, 
he's too old to go anywhere.
Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, 
and have begun to grow in the middle.
A man has reached middle age when 
he is cautioned to slow down by his
doctor instead of by the police.
You know you're into middle age 
when you realize that caution is the
only thing you care to exercise.
The aging process could be slowed 
down if it had to work 
its way through Congress.
You're getting old when 
you're sitting in a rocker
and you can't get it started.
You're getting old when you wake up 
with that morning-after feeling, and
you didn't do anything the night before.
The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.
It's hard to be nostalgic when 
you can't remember anything.
Last Will and Testament: 
Being of sound mind, 
I spent all my money.

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